Freedom

Thursday, March 28, 2013
Update:

Well, the next phase of fun has officially begun...I started a new medication yesterday and it only took about 8 hours for some of the side effects to begin to kick in...I went to my front door to look for the frogs and locust....but thankfully they weren’t there, just another little bump in the road...LOL! Like I said yesterday, you just have to laugh! This too shall pass....

As I woke this morning, my heart was focused on the season we're in now...the next three days are so critical in our Christian history. We're preparing for our Easter Concert on Sunday, the Resurrection in Concert...it's going to be powerful, if you're reading this and don't have plans on Easter Sunday, or don't have a church home...come join me at Lindale Church...you can find us on the web at lindalechurch.org. Our service begins at 10:30 a.m. so it's not super early.  If you don't know, I'm the Worship Leader and I'd like to extend to you a personal invitation to join me this Sunday for a powerful, life changing Easter! (Sorry, that was just a little PSA :0)

ANYWAY...last night I was typing the narration for the concert and as I was reading one particular narration, all written by my amazing brother and pastor, Randy...he wrote the following: "For Christians the image of the cross carries a special significance. It, to most, means more than a fashion statement, it's a testament to our faith in Christ who was sacrificed on that cross, and won our freedom." WOW...I don't know about you, but that struck my heart in a special and powerful way...I know we view the cross is where He died for our sins, where He paid the price for our wrong, where He suffered unimaginable cruelty and abuse for our hurts and emotional suffering, violence committed on his physical body for our pain and healing, but sometimes I think we don’t give enough attention to the part about the "freedom."

Freedom, isn't free. Freedom comes with a great price, whether its war, sacrifice, debate, protest, freedom comes with great, great price, and it costs the petitioner of the freedom something. The price that Christ paid for me to be free, when I visualize what my mind’s eye can, what He sustained, I have to tell you, I don't think I was worth it...but you know what...He did.  Long, long ago, He saw me, Cherri, without form or breath, before I was conceived, before I was visible in the flesh, He Saw Me!  And said Father, she's worth it...if only to free her, that little girl, I'll do it for her.

Renders me speechless, my life was purchased with great price, my freedom was secured with a life...the life of the most precious Lamb of Heaven, Jesus...and He went willingly...His Father didn't force Him, He did it out of His own love for me… For You! Wow.  As I sit here, in my mind just going over all the miraculous events of this week,
I'm left with one thought...He freed me again.   Daily, hourly, moments, seconds, and on and on, He frees us from the chains that look to bind us, Frees us from the entanglements of this life that would look to hold us back and keep us from Him, Frees us from death, disease, Frees us from anything that would set itself up against the knowledge of HIM!

His Freedom for us didn't stop with His selfless act on that cross...it is not only legendary but Infinite! What a promise we have, what a gift we've been given!

If you don’t know Jesus, if you need to be freed…Right now, all you have to say is “Jesus, come into my heart, and be the Lord of my life.  Take me sin away, forgive me of my wrong, I Love you and will serve you the rest of my life.”  It’s that simple, It’s Done!…
POW Your FREE!  He Lives to Free Us!

 “Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed.”  John 8:36

This Easter...Redirect Your Course, Set Your Sails towards Freedom in Christ Jesus....
You'll Never Go Back!

 

Laughter Is STILL The Best Medicine!

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Update:

Well my sweet readers...I believe yesterday was the first day I missed posting since my journey began...but don't worry you news junkies...I'll catch you up!

Yesterday was the appointment with the Rheumatologist, she manages the ongoing treatment of the Sarcoids...First of all, her nurse came in initially as they always do and checked my vitals and let the preverbal kitty out of the bag...she said...Congratulations on your news! Dr. Elhaj is stunned...she's so excited for you....but don't let her know I already told you...she said with a giggle....

Dr. Elhaj comes in and sits down and just says "Wow!" I am so stunned by the results of your PET scan!" she went on the say how pleased she was over how effectively the steroids had been in eliminating all the lesions...I had to jump in and say I know that the steroids played a part in it but I have to give credit to God...He has been so faithful and He has completely healed my body...she quietly said..."that's awesome"....she didn't really know how to respond to that..But I really didn't care because all the credit goes to my Great Big Wonderful God! Hallelujah, Thank You JESUS!!!

The next step she's taking me to is walking me off the steroids (a huge hallelujah for that, goodbye circus tents...hello beautiful closet full of clothes...sigh and insert a little yummm!) and put me on a new drug that is actually a chemo drug used to treat Lupus, RA as well as cancer...it will be given to me in lower doses than they would a cancer patient. This is called Methotrexate and she says I'll be on this for several years.

IMPORTANT NOTE: The negative side effect of this drug is that it's an immune suppressive drug which means to me...as she put it, we have to be very careful with you, you can't catch anything...even a cold, and I have to know about. So that means to all you who love me...DO NOT COME UP AND TRY TO HUG ME! I am surrounded by a sea of lovey dovey touchy kissy church family....you have to use restraint and elbow bump me, pat me on the shoulder, do the Howe Mandell (knuckle bump)...just please refrain from hugging and kissing me...and if you think you're not 100%, please keep your distance....this is not an attempt to offend anyone, this is an attempt to protect my very vulnerable system from germs....I love you so much and am a very affectionate touchy person by nature as well, so this will be an ongoing lesson in restraint for me too.

So let's get back to the events of yesterday...some of which are hilarious...

We finish with all the information and updates with the Dr. and she asked if I had any questions for her...I plopped my LARGE bag of medicines on the table and said...are there ANY of these you can eliminate for me...out of 6 she eliminated 4!!!!! YAHOOOOOOOOEEEEEEE!!!! That was huge for me! And 2 of the 4 that were left will go with the steroids! Thank you Jesus! It just keeps getting better and better!!! I'll have to have check-up every 6 weeks at first then every 3 months from there out...she did blood work as they'll do each check up...and we were out of there!

So we get back to the church to finish a thing or two and then go home...it's already been a long day and I'm more than ready to lay down....pack my stuff and heading home....I get 1/2 way to my house and my phone rings and it’s the Dr....she said I've been trying to call you, your blood work came back and your potassium is dangerously high...where are you? I said in the car on my way home...she said you need to go immediately to an ER and have your blood drawn again and have them test it. Your potassium should be at 3 and it's at 6.0....this is urgent, I can't stress this enough, we can't wait overnight till you can get back here to me, my labs are already closed for the day...I said what does this mean to me? She said you could have a heart-attack at any time!...I said...ok, I'm on my way...I called Jana and told her, went picked her up and off we went....sigh....so not how I had planned the evening to go....sigh...the whole way to the ER we were laughing saying don’t stress her out people…she could blow at any time!!!!  We’re just sick most of the time, truly if anyone went with us to stressful appointments they’d be so offended by our sick sense of humor…but you know we’ve just found it so much more enjoyable to laugh and poke some fun rather than be so stressed out that we end up sick and hysterical…laughing is just such a better option to us.  Besides, it usually ends in Tutti Fruiti or Menchies OR LeMadeline like it did yesterday….can I hear an amen ladies!! 

So into the ER we went...they met this with the urgency that the doctor had conveyed....saying this is nothing to play with....the results came back normal 4.6 and your range should be between 3-5.6 so I was fine....now here comes the funny part....ladies you're going to love this....let's back up 24hrs....we're doing some work on our house and we were at Home Depot Tuesday night and yet again another long day so Kirk said why don't we just pop into Cracker Barrel and get some dumplings, it's on the way home and that way you don't have to worry about dinner...you're tired and it's late and we love their dumplings...naturally I said perfect!....please chicken & dumplings and homemade biscuits...whose gonna say no to that...AND shopping while you wait! WIN...WIN! So after dinner, I browsed the shop for a sec and found the cutest blouse (circus tent) light yellow with white daisy's or some kid of flowers...very, very pretty and springy...he bought it for me!

Come forward to last night....so on the way home, Jana and I were just punch drunk from the day, hungry, tired, hurting, our backs were doing the tango with one another to see who could out scream one another....we're quite the duo! As we came around the corner to her house I said...my side feels wet! I looked and it looked like I'd been Shot! The nurse had blown my vein...by the way I had blood drawn and IV's inserted between Monday and now, 7 times! All nurses had blown every vein they used....I was bleeding out ON MY NEW YELLOW BLOUSE…augh! We became hysterical!!! What more could go wrong...so I'm laughing so hard I can hardly move, Jana's trying not to wreck the car, by the way her driving today had been one for the record books, but that's a story for another day...LOL...I found a sheet of paper, found some kind of rubber band wrap from another procedure earlier that day and I McGuyver'd my arm to stop the bleeding! HAHAHAHAAA.........I actually took a picture of it, if I could attach it here I would! On my way home I called Kirk and said go get anything to eat, cereal, Alpo, crackers and ketchup…I don’t care just have it at the house, I'm done!....got home, got my Yellow Blouse cleaned, thank the Lord for Oxy Clean Laundry spray, he brought home chicken, I love my husband! I ate and went to bed and slept like the dead! End of Day.

God is so faithful to those He calls His own...He never leaves us without answers, options, hope, and yes laughter in the face of great opposition. His word says that if we trust in Him we will not be disappointed or ashamed...it's good to hope in Him. Hope maketh not ashamed...and I tell you I am neither ashamed nor timid to confess that I hope, I trust,

I believe in the Great Almighty God of this universe. He saved me, He rescued me,
He spared me, He healed my shattered heart, He replaced anger and bitterness with a soft tenderness and love that can't be snuffed out, He heal my broken diseased body...
He spared my life from death; more than once....He is is my total and complete Savior.
He is My Complete God....

Today Set Your Sails toward being made whole, laughing all the way home!

Promise Keeper

Monday, March 25, 2013

Update:

Today I had my follow-up PET scan followed by the reading. Here are all the findings...

Initial Scan Dated February 19, 2013...my grand-son's 4th birthday...

Widespread Metastatic Malignancy, widespread involvement by malignancy.
Affected areas include: Right Scapula (shoulder blade); Posterior Left Iliac Crest (the superior border of the wing of the Ilium. The pelvic girdle looks like a butterfly, the Iliac is the tip of the butterfly wing, if you will, the outer top side curve.); Spine; Sacrum (Large triangle bone at the base of the spine and the upper and back part of the pelvic cavity, where it is inserted like a wedge between the two hip bones, its upper part connects with the last lumbar vertebra and bottom part with the tailbone.); Both Clavacles (collar bones); Multiple Ribs; Spleen; Hilar Lymph Nodes (the "hilium" of this lymph node is the concave portion of the lymph node where the different vessels exit...these in particular would be leading to the spleen, kidneys and lungs.); Mediastinal Lymph Nodes (The Mediastinum is the undelineated group of structures in the thorax (your breastplate.) It is the central compartment of the thoracic cavity, the phrenic nerve, the cardiac nerve, the thoracic duck, the thymus and the lymph nodes of the central chest.); the Colon.

Follow-Up PET Scan Dated March 25, 2013

Report Findings: "Compared to the PET scan of 2/19/13, there has been complete eradication of all of the PET abnormalities and eradication or improvement in the corresponding CT abnormalities...No Malignancy found."

Head & Neck: No evidence of Metastatic disease
Chest: Pulmonary, Mediastinal, Hilar, and axillary update are normal
Abdomen: Uptake in the liver, spleen, adrenal glands, retroperitoneum, and mesentery is normal
Pelvis: There is no suspicious pelvic or inguinal lymph node uptake
Osseous Structures (Spine): There are no suspicious abnormalities
Final.

The week leading up to this follow-up PET scan...everyone I spoke to I said this is how I need you to pray...I want my report to be clean! I want there to be no lesions...please ask Largely of God...I don't want this to be greatly reduced...I want to see it gone.

This morning before I left the house for the hospital, I notified the director of our Prayer Chain and said turn the Prayer Chain on at 10 am and don't turn it off till I call you....I'm sorry, I just have to pause to clear my eyes....this has been such an unbelievable, overwhelming, victorious day...my emotions and senses are all wide open....He's so worthy of my praise...I've cried all afternoon just astounded and humbled at the greatness of my God.

On my way to the hospital, I was hurting and my pain had been very high for the past three days, and I said “Lord, my physical body and pain is telling me that nothing has changed, but my faith wants to believe I’m healed…I believe I am healed, I believe You”  At 10 am my PET was scheduled, that takes about 2 hours...we would then go the the Oncologists office for the reading at 2:30 pm. With my sister and my husband in the room...the doctor came in and sat down and said, "well, you're clean"...neither, Jana, Kirk or I moved, breathed, spoke...we sat paralyzed for what seemed an eternity...then I said quietly "could you say that again?"...he replied "I don't know what you tell you, there are no lesions in your spine, there are no abnormalities anywhere in your body, there's not even a polyp...I don't know what to say, you're clear." As we began, one at a time to exhale, the sobs, shouts, thanksgiving, joy and floods of every kind of emotion began to flood that room...He said this has been an emotional ride for y'all, I'll give you some time to absorb this all....you could hear us sobbing all down the halls and his nurse came in and said..."tears of joy, you can recognize them anywhere." The swells of sobbing, worshipping, thanking the Lord, was as violent of a ride as the journey to this day has been....Saying "thank you" to my Father God seems so inadequate....what I loved was the verbiage I used and asked for "clean" was the exact wording the doctor would use to describe the findings...God is so cool! It's the weirdest thing...all afternoon, it's just impossible to go about my normal day now...I'll be just fine and then all of a sudden, I'll just burst into hysterical tears for about 5 minutes...then I'll get control of myself and then it'll happen all over again....my gratitude is just too great to be contained!

In the very beginning He gave me the scripture II Chronicles 20:12, 15, 17 "For I have no power against this great multitude that is coming against me, nor do I know what to do, but my eyes are upon you. (15) Thus says the Lord to you (me), "Do not be afraid nor dismayed because of this great multitude, for the battle is not yours, but God's. (17) You will not need to fight in this battle. Position yourself, stand still and see the salvation of the Lord, who is with you, O Judah (Cherri) and Jerusalem. Do not fear or be dismayed, tomorrow go out against them, for the Lord is with you (me)."  Daily, I would read this, quote it, speak it when the days were so dark and sometimes felt never ending in their torment...I would look up to the heavens and say..."God, you promised You'd take care of all this if I just kept my eyes on you...my job was to focus on You and Your job was to take care of me!" I don't think there was a day that went by that I didn't do that at some point...He's so faithful...He kept His promise to me. A promise of such magnitude, I can't express to you what that has done in my heart...nothing short of my everything will ever, ever come close to being enough given to Him.

I wish I could crawl up in His lap and just kiss His face...wrap my arms around His neck, and squeeze Him so tight and let my tears of gratitude soak His beard as I whisper into His ear, I Love You Father, Thank You...You exchanged death for life, once again. My Sails are Forever Set Father Towards Your Face....

 

Fine Gold

Saturday, March 23, 2013

Update:

Another great day yesterday!  WhoooHoooo...getting stronger day by day, He is so faithful, that's all I can say.

This morning up just after 5, heart full, wanting to be with the Lord...burdened for a friend, burdened for those I don't even know...isn't that a wonderful ability and power that God gives us...we don't have to know the who or the why or even the where, all He has to do in place a "burden" on our hearts and He has given us the power and ability to apaffect the heavens through our interceding for someone.  We have the power to effect a life we may never meet, what power is that?!  Obedience...what a concept!

In Job 23:10  "But He knows the way that I take; When He has tested me I shall come forth as gold.  My foot has held fast to His steps; I have kept His way and not turned aside.  I have not departed from the commandment of His Lips; I have treasured the words of His mouth, More than my necessary (appointed portion) food."

Reading this, this morning it got me thinking about two things that stood out to me...
"His Lips"  and "Words out of His Mouth."  As I closed my eyes to just meditate on those words...I began to see this in visual form.

I can see Him close to my hear, close enough that I can hear and feel His breath on my skin...the Words that come from His lips are like honey flowing over my parched soul, lubricating all my spiritual senses. He whispers closely, His plans for me, His vision for me, His love, passion  and desire for me...as He speaks, my whole being begins to melt into a place I've never been, but a place I've longed to be, longed to live...it's a place of total surrender, total acceptance, total peace for all He has for me, a place of completion....
Not just a place of receiving blessings, but a place where the testing now becomes sweet, because it will render a great reward...He's promised to be at the end of the test, that's the reward...I can't receive a reward having gone through nothing, not having earned it, not that our works play into anything...but our faithfulness and decision to stand, unwavering, unrelenting in the face of horrible, terrible, unspeakable conflict and trial...that is the goal....He steps back and releases His breath upon my face and the sweet smell of His
Holy Spirit begins to saturate my very being, my very atmosphere...and it lingers like sweet perfume...it catches in my hair, soaks into my pores so that my warm skin will emit His fragrance...I smell like Him...as He steps back, His scent lingers with me...long after He's gone, He's still here and everyone who passes by, stands close, can smell that sweet unidentifiable, captivating, intoxicating fragrance...this is the "Fine Gold."

Today Set Your Sails towards His Lips, feeling the Breath of His Spirit on Your Life.

At The Foot of The Cross

Friday, March 22, 2013

Update:

Thursday was a good, good day...felt good all day, over-did it a bit, stayed too long at the office...won't be doing that again anytime soon...but I love that my strength is returning and my healing is just ahead...Praise the Lord !

This morning, early awake...thinking about the grace of Jesus...His mercy...what lies at His feet. If we could see all that we've laid at His feet, all that we have given Him...  it would be an endless see of pain, disappointment, hurt, fear, intimidation, abuse, neglect, unbearable pain and suffering, poverty, abandonment, unmentionable sins, lies, apathy, anger, hatred, betrayal, and on and on and on the sea of sin and wrong flows.....but what I see is He has called us to give all that ugliness to Him and as it washes up to and over His feet, rolling like a billowing sea rolls to the shore...as it washes over His feet and touches His hem, as it touches the precious feet that were nailed to that horrible cross...it washes back out, and it's no longer the ugly foul sewage of our lives having been ravaged by satan and the sin he brings...No, it's now a beautiful, clear, pure, crystal sea of grace and mercy, forgiveness and new life...what once rolled as a sea of sludge upon His shore, is now returning back into the sea of our lives, purity, beautiful clear water from His streams, rolling and returning back to us, giving us life, future, hope, forgiveness, restoration, healing, all for what....just giving Him our mess and He returns it with treasure.

The phrase "one man’s junk is another man's treasure" comes to mine...we give Jesus our "junk" and takes it and makes treasure out of it...I've given Him so much "JUNK" over the years, and the treasures He's replaced it all with, has overwhelmed my heart...I could never express adequately what He's done for me, I could never share, all the horrible things that I've done, it would be too terrible to speak, but He knows, He took it, He didn't condemn, He accepted my filth, and willingly, eagerly, lovingly took my shame and disgrace and said..."That belongs to me, I never meant for that to be something for you to carry, let Me take that now...You walk free and clean...I died so that you wouldn't have to bear this...it's My gift to you...accept it, it's free...from Me to you." Wow...the hard part was just in the accepting of such a lavish gift free of charge....He won my heart, He's my sweet, sweet companion in every second of every moment of every hour of every day of my life...He has never disappointed, He has never left me, He has never hit me, He has never spoken a hurtful word to me, He is my most precious and prized possession...He's all mine, I'm so in love...

I hope you find this depth of love in Him too...it's truly easy and it really is free...

Today Set Your Sails to the Foot of The Cross

"Oh It's My Pleasure!"

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Update:
Yesterday was such a good day!!  Tuesday the doctor's changed some of my meds, and while they made me feel "funny" they didn't make me feel bad...which was good!  I approached the morning with caution not knowing how I was going to feel once up and moving around...I began to get ready to go into the office for a couple of hours for the first time in many days...getting dressed these days with all the wobbly (technical term LOL) knees, tremors, weakness...takes about 2 hours!  Yikes...puts a whole new spin on "Waitin' on a Woman!"  God bless my husband...~:0)

Soooooo.....2 hours later....I make it to the office and I was able to work almost 4 hours!!! WHOOHOOO For Me!  Now grant it, when I got home I was shaking like a bug on a fuzzy tree...But I Did IT!  God Is So Faithful!  His strength is SO perfect in our weakness...

The thought then came to me when we ask LARGELY from the Lord, we're not being presumptuous or arrogant, we're doing what He gave us permission to do...

"Now this is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us.  And if we know that He hears us, whatever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we have asked of Him." I John 5:14, 15

I KNOW my healing is His will!  I know your healing is His will!  So this weekend, I'm asking you to ask LARGE from our God for yourself and for me...Monday I will have my second PET scan and then that afternoon we will go for the reading...they will be comparing it up against the first PET scan that showed all the lesions....my L A R G E request from my G R E A T   B I G   G O  D  is TOTAL HEALING!  I want to see no lesions in my Spine, no lesions in my Spine & Hip Bones, no lesions in my Lymph Nodes, no lesions in my Spleen, no lesions in my Brain....I know this is not a big thing in my God's abilities or desires for me...but it's BIG, HUGE in my faith building and my growth in trusting in HIM to believe that He can and Will do this for me....I BELIEVE, how about you!?

Today, what are you believing for, health, finances, restoration of family, salvation for family members, answers to critical decisions, ask L A R G E it is His good pleasure!
"Do not fear, little flock, for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom." Luke 12:32 is a verse about the nature of God, it's a verse about what kind of heart God has. It's a verse about what makes God glad—not merely about what God will do or what He has to do, but what He delights to do, what He loves to do and what
He takes pleasure in doing.  Oh my goodness, such love we don't deserve, but by His grace it's ours...Wow

Set Your Sails towards His Island..."God's Pleasure" Island 

A Season To Be Still

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Update:
Yesterday held for me two doctor appointments...they both went very well...many questions answered, more tests performed, more tests scheduled...Hallelujah all the heavy duty meds that I came home from the hospital with were all taken away from me and replaced with much lighter meds...so all reports were positive...lungs clear, Praise the Lord!  Sarcoids love the lungs...so that's a great report!!  Keep the prayers going, they're working!  (Just a little side note…my sister Jana is the best companion for Dr. appointments (sorry, you can’t have her, she’s mine)… you get to go to Tutti- Fruiti to make the day happier!!  Think about it…when we were kids, we got suckers at the dentist office (today our kids get tooth brushes...how exciting is that?!), lollypops at the doctor’s office when we got shots (almost made the shot worth getting) and from mom and dad on the way home to reward us for being so good…we got Ice Cream...YAY!  Baskin Robbins was my dad’s ice cream of choice…Baseball Nut was his favorite…daddy said ice cream made everything better (and somehow it did)…so now Jana and I carry on that tradition with Tutti-Fruiti…Don’t Judge Us!  If anyone needs to know any of their many locations, just ask us, we have them all charted in our smart phones... :0), .­)

The next big appointments will be next Monday and Tuesday...there was some rescheduling to accommodate the doctors being able to read the PET scan that will happen Monday...We're believing for clear pictures...I want to see my spine lesion FREE!  I want a clean report!  Believe with me, I know my Father can do anything, He said ask large that our joys may be fulfilled...this is a LARGE request...Ask With Me!!

This morning, I feel good, waking up, is never my favorite part of the day but I want my life back, I want my full capacity back, I want my recovery...BUT...this morning...this is where the Lord took me...

Be Still...Be Still...Yesterday I had such a sweet conversation with my brother, my sweet Randy...and he shared with me, as a response to some of my concerns, that all throughout the Bible, God's prophets, ministers, leaders, etc...all spent considerable time on "the back-side of the dessert" meaning, in "time-out" if you will.  God took them out of the battle to rest, restore, revive, plant, groom, cure, heal and mature them.  He set them, as Randy put it, on a shelf.  This was a time that God took to pour into them, bring new vision to them, bring healing to their bodies, bring rest to their spirit, mind, body and soul...When He was finished with them, they'd be sent out again with even greater purpose and anointing than before.

When I woke up this morning, the song "Still" was playing in my head...as I began to listen to the words, I realized He was confirming His word from yesterday to me...

Hide me now, under Your wing,
Cover me within Your might hand,
When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father You are King over the flood
I will be still and know You are God

Fine rest my soul, in Christ alone
Know His power, in quietness and trust
I will soar with You above the storm
Father You are King over the flood
I will be still and know You are God
 So today, I tell you, I'm finding rest in my Father, I will be still for this season, I will allow Him to complete His perfect work in my life.  I will allow others to do in this season, what I cannot and I will praise my Father for those He's placed all around me to complete what He's commanded.  He has an army of people who are called to work and further the Kingdom, His plans will always go forth, in that we can find such comfort and assurance...those who are in my little world, you know who you are, I thank you for continuing on in my behalf...I love you and am so thankful for you.  Thankful that He has placed you in my life as friends, prayer partners, warriors and workers you're magnificent and I'm blessed for your friendships.

Set Your Sails to rest in still waters, knowing your God is doing a good work in you.

"Being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ..." Philippians 1:6

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,  though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. "Selah"   There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells.   God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day.   Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall; he lifts his voice, the earth melts.  The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. "Selah"  Come and see the works of the LORD, the desolations he has brought on the earth. He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth; he breaks the bow and shatters the spear, he burns the shields with fire. "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."  The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. "Selah"   Psalm 46

The Great Iceberg

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Update:
Today will begin what is to be a week of doctor's appointments, check-ups, evaluations, and final decisions for my treatment.  I will be meeting with Pulmonary Specialists, Pain Specialists, Rheumatologists, Oncologists, as well as having my follow-up PET scan to see the current status of the lesions vs. the initial scan. (My prayer is I am healed!)

This morning, I responded to some messages on FB and while there, I saw a picture that someone has posted of a enormous iceberg in this beautiful blue sea...the picture showed the huge mountain of ice on the surface and it was a beautiful white, billowy looking like huge puffy clouds even.  I had to actually study it to decipher it was ice not a cloud...but the angle of the picture also showed the tremendous sized iceberg that was beneath the surface of the water...and it struck a chord in my heart...

What satan sets up for us that appears a thing of beauty, most times under the surface of the initial "awe" if you will, of the picture presented...is great danger beneath...but when God gives us the correct perspective...we are able with our spiritual eyes see the danger that lurks beneath the surface.  With our spiritual 20/20 vision, we're able to avoid the pitfalls that have been set there to snag us, or ultimately destroy us. 

The Titanic is the most iconic story and example of what lies beneath....if only the captain of that ship had the advantage of a different view with light, that ship would've never gone down and those lives would've never been lost...

Waking up this morning, I'm not going to lie, I'm filled with some mixed emotions, some are anxious, and some are full of hope...It's been dark in this place for several days now and I'm looking for my "Light", my Savior to shine on this iceberg in my life and remove all fear and intimidation from this situation.  I know that when He sheds His light on our situations they're far less threatening in His light than they are in the dark...

Praise God, it's daylight, and His Light is shining bright on my week...I love you, keep me in your prayers this week...

"...Thus says the Lord to me, Do not be afraid nor dismayed because of this great multitude, for the battle is not mine, but God's." II Chronicles 20:15

Set Your Sails towards His Light

Relentless

Saturday, March 16, 2013

Update:
Today I have nothing necessarily new to report...it's been a rough past three days...honestly the meds are kicking my butt!  They're causing such chaos in my system, it hardly knows what to do...my whole body shakes and vibrates as if I had palsy, my insides always feel like I'm making a milkshake and without the yummy benefits of getting to indulge in the sweet deliciousness once all blended and shaken together...sigh...

Looking at the outward image is disheartening but I know that a greater work is being done on the inside....I'm going to keep saying it...

"For I have no power against this great multitude that is coming against me; nor do I know what to do, but my eyes are on You."  II Chronicles 20:12

The daily swell of emotional roller coasters is dizzying, but I love the fact that I can crawl up in my Father God's lap, lay my head on his chest and cry my eyes out and just let everything go...He's big enough to handle it.  I don't overwhelm or exhaust Him, He never gets tired of comforting me, He never relinquishes His parental care, He runs to me, He holds out his arms towards me and brings me to His side and washes all my fears and insecurities away...time and time, and time again.

Where else can we go to find such loyalty, such consistency, such unmerited, unconditional love and acceptance...no matter what we look like, no matter how bad we're banged up and bruised up, no matter how bad we've been or even far away from Him we might have wandered....He's still in that same posture...face towards us, arms stretched out towards us, kneeling into us...welcoming us into His arms of love and safety.

He's Relentless...His love for me...Relentless...care for me....Relentless...concern for me...Relentless...passion for me...Relentless...plans for me...Relentless...                    He's Relentless. 

Tonight as I sit here just pouring my heart and emotions out on Him, I find myself overwhelmed with His affection towards me.  I can talk to my husband, my girlfriends, pour my heart out to them...share my struggles, unburden myself over tea and donuts(DON'T JUDGE..A girls gotta have a donut or 2!  I was actually on a pretty fierce texting conversation a couple weeks ago when one of my girlfriends dared me to pull in for some hot fresh Shipley's at dinner time...well who could ignore that dare!), sorry..back on track...being able to unburden myself to family and friends, while that's so precious to have those wonderful ones in our lives...truth is...there's really nothing they can do for us/me.  They can't heal me, they can't mend my broken heart, they can't take away my anxieties, they can't calm my fears and insecurities, they try and with their whole hearts they  valiantly get in the muck and mud with me, slinging all their swords and bring out all the big supportive guns.  They make me laugh which is such a wonderful distraction and so needed...laughing is such a necessary part of coping..but they can't effect my circumstances and change the outcome...they can't touch that place in my heart and soul that's aching, that screaming out for help...but Jesus can and He does. 

When this world and parts of this journey become more than I can handle...I just have to speak His name, sometimes like tonight I cry uncontrollably, loudly while no ones in the house, screaming out in desperation to Him...not really saying anything but His name, utterances that defy words...Miraculously, His Spirit comes, descends on me and He ministers to that place that only He can touch, that place that only He has access to, that place reserved especially for a powerful, living, breathing, responsive, Relentless God...Oh how I love Him...that warm oil of His sweet, sweet spirit begins to permeate my room, comforting, assuring, ministering, mending, healing, touching, repairing what's been broken, removing all the old clay and releasing the fresh soil that's so ripe for the planting of His Word, His vision, His plans, His mission for my life...Replacing hopelessness with hope, loss with gain, hurt with joy, desperation with faith, pain with peace, tears with laughter.  He lays His hands on me and it's life changing...miraculous,  He drys my tears with His hand, He surrounds me with his love and I'm cocooned in the privacy of His bosom where nothing can touch me or come near...only His healing restorative power penetrates my heart, mind, soul, spirit and body.  I love you Jesus...you're my best friend.

I spent so many years living out from under His grace, out from under His blessings for my life, out from under what He had planned for my life...in this season of my life...if I were there, in that vapid, wasteland, I know this would swallow me whole....but I have this one assurance, this is not the end, this is not, by far, the final chapter of this book...God will have the last word, He will have His victory....He will be glorified in all of this...I will survive this, this is just the M E A N time....

I thank you for allowing me to cry this out to you, it's not to burden you or to overwhelm you, or to have you pity me...please don't do that...just pray, I know Joy will come in the morning...why do I know...because He said so, and He have never lied...

Set Your Sails Relentlessly towards your Relentless God...give Him what's overwhelming you...He can handle it.

"...casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you." I Peter 5:7

"Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly, in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For My yoke is easy and My burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30

God's Projection

Update:

Friday, March 15, 2013

Last night was a fitful night, restless, trouble breathing, back to that feeling of suffocating, antsy, anxious and the effects of the meds on my stomach my whole body just feeling like its in such distress....but joy comes in the morning.

I woke this morning, no trembling, no shaking, nerves feel calm, the peace of the Lord is covering my whole body....my prayer, in faith believing that my Father will hear and answer, is that when I take my morning dose, He will overshadow me with His hand and prevent any negative effects.

Yesterday was such a weird day in that I never had a feeling of clarity all day and the day, oh my goodness, it seemed to go on for ever...it felt like the never ending day...just torture!  I tried to keep my mind straight but,  it was so difficult...so this morning, reflecting back on the mental struggle alone that was yesterday's child...I began to worship the Lord, and just give Him glory for He alone is worthy of all our praise, He alone is worthy of all our worship, He alone can heal us, save us, redeem us, bail us out of our mental jails, turn our wrongs into testimonies, make us whole.  No man can do that, no woman can do that, no entity or corporation or group of doctors, lawyers or scholars can do that...that privilege belongs to the One and only mighty God.

"For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal (of the flesh) but mighty in God for the pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself  against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ..." 2 Corinthians 10:4, 5

There are times when we, in ourselves, are just too weak to fight for ourselves, that's where the family of God comes in and the army of prayer warriors have been set in place for, to war in the heavenlies on our behalf...We're never alone in our struggles, although the enemy of our soul would have us believe that, it's a lie!  We're never alone, we have the Savior of all mankind living, breathing, moving inside our hearts and, yes bodies...and because we are His dwelling place, we have special benefits and privileges that are available to us, one being a fortress of believers surrounding us praying and bombarding heaven on our behalf.  Those of you who are continually praying for me and believing with me for my total healing, I thank you, it's the most beautiful, powerful thing you can do for me.  I also know that there were many of you who knew the struggle I had yesterday and you were relentless with your petitions on my behalf...I love you.

Taking control of our minds is one of the hardest things we'll do...every wrong deed began as a thought in someones mind...that thought was allowed to take root and grow into an action, resulting in, most always, great tragedies....but if we grab hold of those initial thoughts, false lies, false images, false imaginings that the devil presents as truths and put them up on the wall and do a quick comparison of the images side by side, much like projecting a picture on a wall with an overhead projector, then placing the stencil over the projected image, we'll see if it aligns or not....if it's not of God, it will not align...if it is of God, it will be a perfect image, reflection of what's been presented...God is no a man that He should like, nor will He allow His children to be led astray...He has given us the template to always lay our thoughts and images on top of to check their accuracy...if it doesn't match, throw it out and His true image will be brought back into focus.

Today, before I began putting my toast in the toaster, or warmed the water for my tea, I reached up to my heavenly Father for His hand to be steadied over my day....to give me a day of joy....health...happiness....clarity of mind and spirit...I know He's answering the desire of my heart...step for step today....Thank you Father, You and You alone receive my worship and praise...You are Worthy!

Set Your Sails towards the Son, in Him is clarity, joy, peace and restoration.

A Day of Resting

 Thursday, March 14, 2013
 
 
Update:
Waking up this morning, I could tell something was off...as I stood up, it was clear, my system was out of balance.  I was trembling, insides vibrating, super weak in the legs, light-headed...it was really a lot to wrap my foggy head around...so much going on , so quickly, so early!  Sloooooow down!  I thought i just need to get some breakfast and I'd feel better, but just to opposite...after eating, it seemed to escalate...after taking my morning meds, it was even worse...I've spent this whole day between two rooms just trying to keep everything calm...
 
I knew there would be these days that by all standards would be "bad" but when they actually arrive, you're really never prepared...I've been going into the office a little bit each day this week to slowly begin getting back into my routine, and that has felt good...but today, I just couldn't do it.
 
So as you're reading this, this is how I'd ask you to pray...  

1. Pray for strength because I know His strength is made perfect in my weakness
2. Pray for tremors and symptoms to subside
3. Pray for restored abilities
4. Pray for Peace to settle in my mind and emotions
5. Pray for Pain to subside

I know this is a different post that all those previous, but this is a different kind of day.  I told you there would be ups and downs...this is one of the downs...but don't be defeated, God is still victorious in all areas of my life and body...He will complete His perfect work in my body...He promised and that's all I need to know.
 
Today is a day that I rest in Him and let His warm healing oil flow through me, worrying for nothing...resting in Him who is my strength.
 
Set Your Sails in faith believing, He Is Faithful to carry you when you're strength is gone.

Last Thought For The Day

Last Thought For The Day...

My mind and thoughts today have been not on things here, concerning me and my health...but on higher things...things that will matter for all eternity...

I spoke to an old friend today on the phone, they just happened to call while I was in the office for a couple hours...and while I never found out for sure if they were calling for me or someone else, they decided to talk to me regardless...We began to catch up and when I began telling this person what I was going through, the phone got very quiet and they responded the way so many others do, with the phrase "I believe the devil has had it out for you for a long time, he's had his sights set on destroying you."

As that began to roll around in our conversation, I began feeling my spirit denounce that word..denounce that proclamation of doom.  I realize that the enemy of our souls wants us out of commission so we are hindered from doing what we're called to do by the Father....but at some point, don't we loose the chains and bondages that we've drug around with us that are remnants of our past?!  Don't we walk out of them in freedom, knowing that Christ has set us free, knowing that what's past and under the blood, is just that, under the blood...and if that's true, doesn't it then make sense that we are no longer slaves to that old form, old pattern, old template if you will....we've been given a new one and a new direction.

Later this afternoon my sister and I were visiting and just talking about a lot of things and as I began to tell her this next thing, I began to realize, as the words were coming out of my mouth, that I was speaking NOW truth, that I was proclaiming CURRENT declarations over my life, that the things that had been said to me over the phone, while they were said in all good will I'm sure, they were wrong and it was up to me to either denounce those words and fling them from my heart and spirit or I was going to agree and accept them and ultimately step back into that old mold, that old template of living life as a victim of the past and a victim of the enemy...

I told her that whatever God is doing, building during this season in my life, that I wouldn't trade where I am with the Lord for anything...I'd go through it all over again if it meant I'd arrive at this place again with Jesus.  We never know what great things God has in store for us until we get out of His way....and if that means He has to move us, He will!  God's plan for our lives will go forward...it's just a matter of how long it's going to take for us to wake up, untie ourselves from the train track and get back in the train!  He's going to accomplish all that He has set out to do in our lives. 

There have been several prophetic messages come into my life in during this time and I'm weighing all of them carefully, with fear and trembling before my God...I know there's something coming around the bend and it's big, really big...I can not only feel it in my spirit but it's been confirmed in the mouths of trusted others as well...God will always confirm His word to you, you'll never have to search to validate His word....He'll make that happen, if it's Him...If it's not...silence will be your response...today I heard silence on the phone...my spirit immediately was opposed to what my ears were hearing.

There's a new ministry being birthed inside my heart, it's not clear exactly what it's going to be or look like, all I know is I'm open and I'm a sponge, just waiting to hear, see, smell, taste, experience all that the Lord has for me.  Jeremiah 29:11 says "For I know the thoughts I have toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope."  Some translations say "For I know the "plans" I have for you."  See God has plans for our lives, we don't have to know what the plan is, in fact, He probably prefers us NOT to know till the plan and path is actually unfolding in front of our eyes because, we're pesky kids....we'd either start backing out or pestering him wanting all the details...LOL  His delight is for His children to have total and complete faith and hope in His divine path and plans for their lives.  We don't have to know what's around the corner, just trust that He knows and rest confidently in that knowledge.

My heart is so full tonight with a whirlwind of thoughts and imaginations on where He's spiritually taking me...so tonight before you go to sleep...I challenge you to lay a fleece before the Lord to take you somewhere you've never been, to take you somewhere you never thought you'd go...believe and trust in His willingness to respond...you might be surprised how quickly!

Set Your Sails for a distant shore, a shore you've never seen or been to...take an Adventure with God!

There's Life In The "Waiting"

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Update:

Yesterday was my first day to go to work in about four and a half or five weeks...seems like forever at times and others just yesterday...It was so good to be there, I love my job, my co-workers, I am so blessed...few people have the distinct pleasure to work and play with their friends and family...but I do and it's wonderful.

I'd say I didn't get much done or was super productive but just getting there, staying for a couple of hours and getting back home was quite the accomplishment...little bit by little bit...day by day, my strength is being renewed.  Thank you Father. And today...another milestone will be conquered...YAY!

As I was meditating on the Lord this morning, reading His Word (so precious) and just exploring His heart wondering what He's saying to me, to us today, the word "waiting" kept surfacing.....so I began to think...waiting...hmmm....

Wait: To wait for, look for, expect, hope. 
Quavah - Is the root of the noun, "tiqvah", "hope" or "expectancy"
Quavah is the idea of "waiting hopefully"

When I read the above definitions, origins, and meanings...it started me to thinking about the two being tied together...waiting and hope

Patience has never been a heavy coat for the Meeks/Robertson family to wear...it's always very thin and light weight, sort of an all-weather garment if you will...it can easily be thrown off at the first sign of warmer weather.  Funny right?!  We were genetically pre-set for instant results.  My grandmother could do things multiple times over (and do them all with excellence I must say) in the time it took her to instruct you, monitor you doing it "her way" and then fixing it after you had left the room because you still didn't do it right even after she had exhausted all her energy and time showing you detail by detail how to do the task!  Oh she was a pip!  But really, isn't this all of us...we're such an impatient people we can't even give someone the blessing of being helpful because they might do it wrong...or worse...not do it the way we would!  Patience is a huge virtue that few of us posses with much grace...and then add waiting into the mix and you've got the perfect storm! LOL  But the truth is there IS a genetic particle in "waiting" or "wait" that is made up solely of "patience."  I know, no-one likes to acknowledge that, especially me!  But it's true!

I'm waiting this week...waiting for the next step in this journey...wanting everything to be over and done with so I can continue on...but God has a bigger plan through all this than just blowing through it and moving on to the next thing....He's deliberately slowing me down so that I can and will hear His voice speak to me, deliver to me those things that are unseen, impart into my spirit those things that are far more valuable than even life itself.  Whisper His love and plan for my life into my resting ears, burn into my hungry heart His desires and visions for me...so I say Yes Lord, I will wait patiently for You and hope in You...I will be obedient Father.

All throughout the Word we see..."wait patiently"..."patiently waiting"..."I waited patiently"...on and on we find these two family members are linked together!  Why, well I feel it's because  God knew they operate more effectively one with the other...they are two separate components that do stand alone powerfully but when linked together, they're unmatched.

"I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, And in His word I do hope.  My soul waits for the Lord More than those who watch for the morning - yes, more than those who wait for the morning." Psalm 130:5, 6

"The Lord is my portion" says my soul, "Therefore I hope in Him!"  The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, To the soul who seeks Him.  It is good that one should hope and wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord."  Lamentations 3:24-26

The Lord is calling me and maybe you the reader, into in this very place, in this moment, in this season, in this capsule of time.   This is where the refiners fire is beginning to burn out all the dross in our lives, in our hearts, out of our spirits.  This "waiting" is a time of purification of our souls...when we're waiting we're not unproductive, we're still working, moving forward, advancing the Kingdom, being useful but, our spirits are still...when we're waiting, we're looking with expectation, our eyes, ears, and hearts are focused, peered, set on the object that the waiting is all about.  Only when we're still... focused...quiet can God do his greatest work in us....in all the business we find ourselves wrapped up in, awarding ourselves a much greater crown of importance...if we just surrender to the "wait" we will receive so much more...we'll receive all that He had planned for us, why, because we weren't so busy being busy we ran right over Him.

There is a mighty wind blowing right now and it's a time of renewal, purification, growth, blessing, healing, and rebirth in ever area of our lives...let's just take a breath, sit for a while at His feet, wait patiently for what will surely be a life changing transformation in all of us.  His desire is to cover us with His breath, to breathe life into our thirsty souls, to warm our hearts with the touch of His hand, to heal our bodies with one drop of His blood, to bring us into a deeper understanding of who He is...

Set Your Sails For Deeper Water...the farther out you go the clearer His path becomes. 

After-Shock

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

UPDATE:

Well, I have found that with most traumatic situations in life, time, acceptance and adaptation to the change are key. Our ability to be flexible in an ever changing tide, to bend with the direction the harsh wind is blowing, like that mighty oak tree, insures us that this storm will not break us, but will cause our roots to grab hold to our foundation and strengthen us. Strengthening us not only through the current storm but for all those that are yet and most assuredly to come.

"Hear my cry, O God; attend to my prayer, from the end of the earth I will cry to You, when my heart is overwhelmed; Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.  For You have been a shelter for me,  A strong tower from the enemy.  I will abide in Your tabernacle (tent) forever, I will trust in the shelter of Your wings.  For You, O God, have heard my vows..." Psalm 61:1-5

"In God is my salvation and my glory, The rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God." Psalm 62:7

Each day will bring its own set of challenges but one thing I know...I know who holds my future and on Whose foundation I plant my feet. Christ Jesus, because, truly all other foundations are sinking sand...liquid foundations, moving targets...sink holes!

Can you just imaging what all those poor families must be going through mentally having bought and lived in a home that is now proving to have been on or waaaay too close to a Sink Hole! How horrifying and don't get me started on earth quakes!  I lived in California for several years and we all know the 2 things California is known for...#1 Beautiful Weather and #2 Earthquakes.

I was living in California in 1989 when the Big One hit the San Francisco/San Jose Area. The big quake that collapsed the double decker bridge in SF...truly a horrifying and catastrophic event. The earth shook with such violence that if you were walking, it literally threw you to the ground as if someone had just pushed you physically. I can remember walking to my car and that is exactly what happened, all of a sudden, as if someone came up behind me and just shoved me to the ground, down I went...I thought I had tripped but then all the car alarms began to sound and as I looked up I could see the black top rolling towards me and my son like a wave in the ocean. The cars all around us were rolling over the waves that the earth was making from beneath the surface.  Such a sight...it was the most intimidating, terrifying experience I had ever had.

But here's the point...the initial quake measured 7.1 Richter scale...but the torment, if you will, came for days and weeks after that...they're called "after-shocks." Scientists have studied and proved that there have been "after shocks" that were greater in size, intensity, damage and length of time and the initial quake did. After shocks are so damaging because, their what I like to call the enforcers...the deal closers...the door closers...the finishers...the finish the damages that were begun by the initial quake.  There were after shocks from the '89 quake that measured up to 6.8...those are huge!

I was in the mortgage business for over 8 years and when a mortgage agent couldn't get the loan closed, couldn't seem to either keep the customer on track and focused or couldn't get the deal to the closing table...they were criticized for not being able to "close the garage door." Sounds funny right, garage door...mortgage...oh never mind...If you start something, you must finish it is the basic philosophy here and really in every area of your life...you have to be able to complete what you begin. There are even business arrangements where they will bring in the "closer." This person will review the contracts on the table, cross the "T's"...dot the "I's" and so on and so forth...then once everything checks out, will address any concerns of the client and then will "Close The Deal."

After-shocks are the closers...they seem to be the ones to usher in the end of the process, but surviving this stage proves to be sometimes the most critical of all the survival stages. This stage can last for days, weeks, even many months.  The mental effect is you become "trigger happy" if you will, everything that shakes, shimmies or trembles even a bit, you think it's happening all over again...its mental torture at it's highest...When you still don't have all the answers, the road still seems so, so very long, the questions seem to out number the answers and all you want is to see that garage door go down, signaling the end and the completion of this phase.

I said that this journey would have it's ups and downs...Spiritually I'm great...but you know this, the battle is in the mind...Right now, mentally, I'm in the After-Shock phase...next week will bring more evaluations, more meds being added to the pile, new doctors, next phase of treatments beginning, etc...etc. The initial impact has been absorbed...now the deluge of further discovery and quest for additional answers are bearing down. Don't you see why I have to keep my resolve in my foundation so close...because everything all around me is liquid...movable, ever-changing, never the same, daily different...but the one true constant throughout all of this is my sweet Jesus who allows me, when the storm is raging inside this head of mine, to crawl up in His lap and snuggle close, so close I can hear His heart-beat drown out all the clatter and find safety, comfort, assurance, peace and joy in His arms.

Today's journey isn't filled with high "whoops" of glorious and clamorous shouting of praise...it's more of quiet contemplation of where we have to go and the sweet assurance that while in my humanity I may be anxious...in my Father's arms, I'm calm, safe, secure, knowing that He and He alone will absorb all the pounding, earth shattering, wave rolling effects from this after shock while I rest in the bosom of His protection.

Today, whatever life brings you, however great your After Shock may register on the Richter scale of your day, take safety in that Rock, in that Foundation, in your Father, knowing that He and only He controls the waves.  He and only He can calm that storm raging inside you today...Set Your Sails for calm waters ahead...He's waiting.